My life as an adult!

Today I was witness to an amazing event. My children and I went to the park to play and at the same time a group of kids with mental disabilities and their teachers were also there. I was a little concerned, knowing that some mental disabilities can be undpredicatable, but there was a young man with whom my sons made a playground bond. He was much older then them and he had a walking diability, but he and my boys played like they were life buddies. I was humbled by the way my 5 year old treated him like any other person, and you could tell that really made his day. One day I will return to the memory of how no matter a persons outward appearance they can and will bring joy to your life with a laugh and a smile.

First I buy 2 fish. fish one dies 2 days later and fish 2 dies6 days later. The cats are going whacko macko by doing anything and almost everything to get our attention. School on the other hand is about the same but worse. Teachers one and two are definite music flackos and degrees one and two are becoming more and more difficult to manage.

you know I heard a funny saying a year or so ago and I think that it is one of the most absolute truths I have ever heard, Our bodies change every 7 years. I know that every body changes and has its aches and pains that can not be explained but I am positive that our genetic makeup mutates after a 7 year period. This is for certain because 4 years and somemonths ago I gave birth to my first child, and I ended up gaining almost 70 pounds between that child and the next. My hair is getting thicker and more stringy, my face has now accepted a cleanser and lotion that will keep my face clean and void of acne ( by the way it just happens to be some of the most expensive stuff on the market. but who cares it works and that is all that matters) and my armpit iches if I don't lotion once a day, talk about dry skin. But the good that has come from all of these changes is that I have found the cause of my clinical depression, it is caused from a severe hormonal imbalance and I and my doctor have found a treatment that is working. It is wonderful to be able to think this clearly for the first time in over a decade. well this is all well and good at least until that one month comes when everything has its place and schedule and than it all changes again. Oh, well it is all worth it. Right????????????

One thing that people seem to refuse to accept is the true nature of music. The tingle when a phrase hits you to the core or makes you realize that you are not the only one in this world who had to go through the same trial. Or the gut renching agony from a song when death and hate is the main theme; making it seem like that is the real world and either you accept it or we will make you get out of our way. How sad that entertainers blatanly eploit the insecurity of the masses to make money and ensure their comfort through the agony and unsurity of someone else and than blame them for buying their product. That is like a medical pharmaceutical company blaming a patient who had a serious physical reaction to their drug that it was their fault for taking it in the first place. Whether or not you choose to believe what I am about to say or not this is the truth and deep down you know it is true. Music, in all its forms, has a massive, huge, gargantuin energy that is released when you hear it. Wow what a concept, when you hear it. That is why some music can pull you deeper into the depths of depression, but also why the most inspirational song,with or without music, can lift you past the most difficult moment in you life. No one is immune and the only way to fight it is to know you limits. If this is ignored than the truly good music that is meant to lift us up will never be heard or its fullest value appreciated.

I had the opportunity to see once again the president on television. It was invigorating it was disturbing. I want to know, I need to know would be better, but I will take what I can get, why it is neccessary to keep the same amount of troops in iraq after the constitution is finished drafting and approved. How is it neccessary unless our government stands to gain more than just another allie. And if that is true are the lives lost to a ancient belief and growing disgust worth it. I know that I am not the first to voice a worry like this in this generation or the past, but it is voiced. What do you think?

One of the greatest trials I have had to endure to date is the ever present weight in excess. After two children and numerous complications after each birth, who could blame my body for gaining a great deal of weight. Now that I am finaly finding stability my body is starting to shed the pounds. THis of course is a slow process, as those of you who know this personaly, but it is happening and I am feeling so much more like the me I used to be. Of course one of the grand side effects in losing those unwanted pounds is smaller boobs. How this process works is simple. The less fat on your body (at least for those of us who were small chested to begin with) the smaller your chest. Don't ask me why, it has something to do with hormones as well, and you guys who have experienced this can validate this, it effects both sexes. Since the small decline of cup size I new that the one place I needed to go to get an accurate reading of my new size would be Victoria Secret. I love this place, this is the store where I purchased not only my first real fitting bra, but my first little slinky bra, and being a 34B I was on top of the "I have on a sexy bra and you don't know it" world. So yesterday I went there hoping to find out what size I am and if small enough get a new VS Bra. So what happens when I walk into the store, all of the sales reps are busy. Hey, no big deal! So I looked around to see how high in size they went and figured I might have a chance. When one rep was no longer busy she took one look at me and turned the other way. All I could think was how dare you. I am a customer who wants to buy a bra and you look the other way. Well I figured that maybe she didn't see me so I went a head and got a bra to try on. And Eureeka I found one that fit much better than any other bra I had tried in the last 5 days. So I found one that fit the best in a style that was flatering and went out to find my new bra. But, what do you know, I couldn''t find one in a color or size I needed. So I kept looking in the same style and I saw that another sales rep was free. Now I know for sure she saw me and she turned around and started paying attention to a slinkier blonder version of me. Am I weary of my size, yes. Am I not as forthcoming when it comes to the unmentionables, Yes, Most definetlely. But when you have a customer who is rifling through drawers in an underwear store that usually cries out,"I can't find what I am looking for help me." I FELT DISCRIMINATED AGAINST FOR MY SIZE. I am of course really not that big. A size 18. Of course my height helps distribute the fat so it has gone all over. But it was uncalled for. WHat made it worse is that one of the sales reps that turned around when she saw me, was pretty dang close to my size. Talk about rude and hypocritical!!!